What is verbal abuse?
Verbal abuse refers to the ways in which a person uses their words to cause harm. It is one tactic in a range of deliberate behaviors that a person may use to gain and maintain power and control over another in an intimate relationship.
Verbal abuse is one aspect of psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse or expressive aggression. It is characterized by insults, name-calling, put-downs, criticizing, and other demeaning language designed to bully, intimidate, frighten, humiliate, degrade, and diminish the victim’s self worth and sense of safety.
Power and Control
Those who use verbal abuse are engaging in purposeful, deliberate behaviors that cause harm to gain and maintain power and control. Abuse is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned.
Domestic violence exists because of a variety of factors at the individual, relationship, community, and societal level. It is enabled by a culture of privilege and oppression that affords power to some over others. This can result in a sense of entitlement or ownership where those who hold power use it to cause harm in the interest of maintaining it or amassing more.
Efforts to create a more equitable world with shared power and mutual respect can help end domestic violence.
Survivor Quotes
“My girlfriend tells me that no one else would want me.”
“‘You’re stupid’ is how he greets me.”
“She insults me and puts me down in front of our friends. It is so humiliating and embarrassing.”
“He called me the n word, saying me and my family were worthless...and worse.”
“He told me I was lucky to have him, who would want a fat pig like me?”
“He told me I was lucky to have him because others would find my trans body repulsive and freakish.”
VERBAL ABUSE IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Verbal abuse can be recognized in behaviors like:
Name calling, insults, and continual criticism
Using words to isolate and control
Harassment in person, online, or over text or phone
Public humiliation or embarrassment
Constant jealousy often surfacing as accusations of cheating
Blaming others for their own harmful behavior
Telling someone they deserve to be mistreated or do not deserve love
Starting destructive rumors
Threatening to expose secrets or personal information including photos or videos
Threatening with additional violence
Body shaming
Gaslighting (manipulating someone psychologically, until they question their own sanity)
Facts and Stats
The research on verbal abuse is limited, in part because so many cases go unreported. But the available research shows that its scope is far reaching and its impact is devastating and long lasting. The videos below reflect verbal abuse statistics from the United States.
Psychological violence is estimated to be the most common form of intimate partner violence (IPV) in both the U.S. and Europe, affecting between 35 and 49% of men and women.1
Psychological aggression by an intimate partner during the lifetime was reported by 47.1%, or nearly half, of U.S. women and 47.3% of U.S. men, with women experiencing greater adverse impacts of such abuse across the lifespan.2
Emotional and psychological abuse can cause similar levels of emotional distress and be just as damaging to mental health as other forms of abuse.3
Psychological abuse within intimate relationships is linked to negative health outcomes among women and is frequently identified as just as wounding as physical or sexual violence.4
Help is Available
If you are experiencing verbal abuse, know that it’s not your fault and you are not alone. Help is available:
US National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
TTY 1-800-787-3224
US The National Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474
TTY 1-866-331-8453
Text “loveis” to 22522
UK National Domestic Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
1800 737 732
+ Sources
Dokkedahl, S., Kok, R.N., Murphy, S., Kristensen, T.R., Bech-Hansen, D., & Elklit, A. (2019). The psychological subtype of intimate partner violence and its effect on mental health: Protocol for a systematic review and meta-analysis. Systematic Reviews, 8(198).
Smith, S.G., Chen, J., Basile, K.C., Gilbert, L.K., Merrick, M.T., Patel, N., Walling, M., & Jain, A. (2017). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010-2012 State Report. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Estefan, L. F., Coulter, M. L., & VandeWeerd, C. (2016). Depression in Women Who Have Left Violent Relationships: The Unique Impact of Frequent Emotional Abuse.Violence Against Women, 22(11), 1397–1413.
Heise, L., Pallitto, C., García-Moreno, C., & Clark, C.J. (2019). Measuring psychological abuse by intimate partners: Constructing a cross-cultural indicator for the Sustainable Development Goals. Population Health(article in press).