Healthy Relationships
No relationship is perfect, but healthy intimate partner relationships make both people feel respected, supported, and safe. Healthy relationships are characterized by mutual respect, trust, equality and honesty. Look below to see some of the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Unhealthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships
Respect: Each person values who the other person is, understands the other person’s boundaries and values their beliefs and opinions.
Disrespect: One partner makes fun of the other’s opinions and interests, or purposely destroys something that is important to them.
Jealousy: Everyone can experience jealousy, though it becomes unhealthy when one partner tries to control the other because of it.
Trust: Partners trust in each other and are comfortable doing things separately and respecting each other’s privacy online.
Betrayal: When one partner is deceitful, hides important things from the other or threatens to make their private matters public to control them.
Honesty: Partners are truthful and open with each other and able to talk together about what you both want without fearing the response or if you’ll be judged.
Control: When one partner makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, and who to spend time with. They may also be ‘in charge’ of all the finances and insist that the other partner accounts for all the money they have spent, or forces them to hand over any money they have. He or she may also try to isolate their partner from their friends and family.
Individuality: Neither partner compromises who they are, and each has their own identity, with space and freedom in the relationship.
Manipulation: One partner influences the other without them realizing it. This can include ignoring them until they get their own way, making their partner feel guilty or responsible for their actions, making them feel like everything is their fault and threatening to hurt themselves or others if they don’t do as they say or stay with them. They may also use gifts and apologies to influence their decisions or to ‘apologize’ for their behaviour.
Equality: Both partners put equal effort into the relationship and make decisions together as opposed to one person calling all the shots.
Deflecting responsibility: One partner makes excuses for their behavior, blaming their partner, other people or past experiences for their actions. They may use alcohol or drugs as an excuse, or use any mental health issues or past experiences (like a cheating ex or divorced parents) as a reason for unhealthy behavior.
Taking Responsibility: Both partners are responsible for their own actions and words. Both avoid putting blame on each other and own up when they do something wrong. Both avoid taking things out on each other when they are upset and both try to make positive changes to better the relationship.
Sexual violence: One partner pressures or forces the other into sexual activity against his or her will or without consent.
Healthy sexual relationship: A sexual relationship that both are comfortable with, and neither partner feels pressured or forced to engage in sexual activity that is outside his or her comfort zone or without consent.
Physical violence: When one partner intentionally uses physical force against the other, as a means of controlling them. This includes shaking, slapping, pushing, biting, punching. scratching, trying to choke or strangle, hitting with household objects, using weapons and physical restraint (e.g. pinning them against a wall).
Non-Violent relationship: No physical violence used by either partner and feeling a sense of care and concern from both partners, each knowing the other will be there to support them.
Isolation: One partner keeps the other away from friends, family, or other people and insists the other spends all their time with them and makes them feel dependent on them for money, love or acceptance.
Inclusion: Both partners encourage each other to socialize and keep in touch with friends and family.
Sabotage: When a partner purposely ruins the other’s reputation, achievements or success by making them miss work, talking about them behind their back, starting rumors, and threatening to share private information about them.
Protection and Loyalty: When both partners are reliable and feel confident that they have each other’s backs, and are respectful and faithful, sticking up for each other and keeping secrets safe.
Belittling: One partner makes the other feel bad about themselves - calling them names, making rude remarks about their friends and family or what they look like, and making fun of them – even if it’s played off as ‘just a joke’.
Encouragement: One partner supports the other to do things that they want to do, and backs their decisions.
Intimidation: When a partner tries to control aspects of the other’s life by making them feel fearful or timid. This may include threatened or actual violence.
Self-confidence: When partners have confidence in themselves, they are calm and comfortable enough to allow others to express their opinions without forcing their own opinions on them.
For further information on relationships:
https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/
and
https://www.loveisrespect.org/
Words that hurt
Those who use verbal abuse to harm their partner may use words like:
